2014 was a difficult year for me. I had approximately 3 months of relief from the pain of Rheumatoid Arthritis. In September I believe, the pain returned and I haven’t had a day of remission since, until now. It’s a steroid induced remission but hey I’ll take it. I found out a few things about myself along this journey. Some I don’t like. Some not so bad. I have a love/hate relationship with the Mississippi Delta. This place bring me pain and suffering, much like RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) I can’t escape either one. (at the moment) They both bring me anguish! They test my sanity and how far I’m willing to go in the name of Obedience to the One that I love. They make me want to shake my fist and stamp my feet and scream. Sometimes I do all of that. Other times I just cry from the pain of it all.

I believe that my last prayer before my appointment with Dr George on Thursday was “Lord you have to do something. I need a break from the pain. I’m on the edge of no control. I’ve started to believe that there is no hope. help me please.” When I got to Doc’s office all I expected was a refill on the blood pressure medication and a regular check up. However, before all of that he wanted to know how he could help me get some relief. (finally a glimmer of hope} So here I am 4 Decadrons later and I feel better than I’ve felt in 5 months. God is good. Not only that He is getting me in to see the Rheumatologist at UMC. God opened the door. I read that email from my friend Care Newhoff: Max Lucado, from his book: Max On Life. “God heals. not a prayer. A matter of semantics, No. If you think the power is in the prayer and not the One who hears the prayer, you fault the pray-er for unanswered prayer. “if I had prayed more, better, differently…” The power of prayer is in the One who hears it, not the one who makes it. please don’t interpret the presence of your disease as the absence of God’s love. I pray He heals you. And He will ultimately. Till then, keep praying.

When I read that I saw me. How I’ve been feeling, thinking and even sharing with God. That message got me back on track. In the right direction. The lack of noise from the pain has helped me to Hear God’s voice clearly once again. He is good. As for my love/hate relationship with the Delta? Well He brought me a helper, my daughter Amber. She lives with us now. She’s a great help to me. He is good. I found that after the noise of the pain left? I don’t dislike her(the Delta) so much. Also, thanks to Patricia King I found my verse.

Psalm 18:1-2 I will love thee, O Lord, my strength.
2 The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my strength, in whom I will trust, my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.

Father,

You are also the God of the Mississippi Delta. We love thee, O Lord, our strength! Thank you Lord for your trust in Delta Force to pray Your will in the Delta. Thank you Lord for reminding me of who I am and why I am here. Thank you Lord for carrying me and all the people of the Delta who hurt too much to hear you clearly. Lord give them relief and release. They need you. We need you. Lord thank you for rightful places and right mindsets. Thank you for a land rich and full of your Glory, love, power and authority. Lord you are worthy to be trusted for all things good here and the not so good things you will turn around to produce good. Thank you for the wake up call. In Jesus name. Amen

Fear is a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil or pain, whether real or imagined. 

I experienced that in the last few hours.  My son was missing all night.  I got a phone call from his fiancé saying is Anthony in the room.  No one can find him.  I felt myself starting to panic.  He left with the guys for a bachelor party.  They lost him. When they returned to the room I said how did you lose him?  There were about 6 of them how did they lose him? As a mother who is facing the 2nd anniversary of the death of her first born I have the possibility of totally freaking out.  I immediately start to pray. I’m talking to God and I’m saying Lord I can’t handle another loss of a child.  You told me that this was going to be a life filled occasion. That this was something good.  For the past few weeks You have given me Jeremiah 29:11.

Jeremiah 29:11New International Version (NIV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I said Lord this does not line up with that scripture.  Please keep my son safe. My son is not much of a drinker but his brothers in law decided to show him a good time. Funny what we consider a good time!  At midprayer I decided to entrust my son to God. Do you have any idea how hard it is to trust a God who took your first born son? To be able to say, yes Lord! I trust You and I love You enough that even if last night was the last night I saw my son alive in giving him to you. Yet, I did it.

It is so freeing knowing that I can trust Him completely again. What would fear look like if we all faced it head on? What if at that moment of panic we just said Jesus! What if we stopped stressing and trying to do it ourselves and just said Jesus? What if no matter the situation, whether it is death, fear, divorce, pain, tragedy suffering or trauma we simply say, JESUS.  We allow Him to minister to our spirit.  We allow Him to just be JESUS.  What then would fear look like? 

Why do we allow it to control us? Affect our destiny? At this time in my life I say that I refuse to walk in anything other than victory! I will not hold on so tightly to my children or anyone else that I love.  I give them to Father. He has capable hands! He has this!

Father, we choose to love without fear of losing. We choose to live without fear of dying. We choose to trust instead of fear.we choose to just say Jesus.  We praise You for all that You are. Magnificent, Holy, Great, Kind, Wonderful, Loving, Gentle, All knowing. You are all those things and so much more. Help us to always know and recognize that. Thank You for loving us through our fears. We love You so much. Thank You for the wonderful plans You have for our lives. In Jesus name, Amen!

 

Lesley